If/Then Richard Rogers Theater, New York, Tuesday August 13th 2014

If/Then Richard Rogers Theater, New York, Tuesday August 13th 2014

The experience of "If/Then" has been renamed "Off/On" due to the rude people with their "cellular sexual tinia" or their cellular separation anxiety.  Phones OFF.  Spelled O.F.F. Not O.N.  OFF!

"If/Then" would have been a completely different experience IF the cell phones were turned off.  Sadly they were not, so pick your new title "Not If/But" or "Off/On."  What is the antonym version of "If/Then"?  Would it be "As/Is"?

This would have to be the worst experience of attending the theatre on Broadway.  We pay for our own tickets and have seen two shows in Chicago and ten shows on Broadway. We were so looking forward to seeing "If/Then." 

For those who do not know we buy our own tickets and I write about the holistic experience of attending the theatre.  This includes from the moment we research the show, to buying the tickets until the moment after we leave the theatre.  Some theatres even follow up with your feedback.

Buying the tickers well in advance was easy as we wanted to see this show. We paid $142 each for our Mezzanine front row seats with a great view.  Even better views of the text messages next to us!

I love how the theatres send you a reminder email with hints to help you  maximise your experience of attending a show.  Please include OFF means OFF for cell phones in your emails and the accompany New York law (see below.)   Or you get thrown out of the theatre.  No exceptions!  

New York law:

"The use of recording device, either audio or video and the taking of photographs, either with or without a flash is strictly prohibited.  Please turn off all electronic devices such as cellular phones, beepers and watches.  The use of cell phones in the theater is prohibited by New York law."  states each Playbill programme.

One day people are going to ask for their money back and there will be a court case if you do not do something about this illegal behaviour!  Stop the rot now!

OFF means off.  Not silent.  OFF! No sneaking to write a text messages to scratch that "tinia" itch!

As you are probably gathering the holistic experience of attending "If/Then" was diminishing quickly.

Souvenir stand:

The price of souvenirs are too expensive at $10.00 per magnet.  They should be $5.00 per magnet.  "Brigadoon" in Chicago charged $3.00 per magnet.  

At least they had the package deal of the cd and the photo programme for a reduced fee.

Heating/cooling:

The theatre was too hot for Act One and the air conditioning finally kicked in for Act Two.  But just so!  It was the most uncomfortable night at the theatre and it was not the hottest night in either Chicago or New York.

Is this a cost saving strategy, I ask?

My partner did not want to go back for Act Two due to his discomfort and the rudeness of cell phone users.

Usher on Mezzanine:

Prior to the show starting, our very pleasant usher on the Mezzanine made an announcement about turning off cell phones and not putting items on the ledge for the A Row of the Mezzanine. 

Why not make one announcement for the whole theatre over the speaker system? Then the ushers could follow-up in each section.

At interval I spoke to our usher and I was impressed that she offered to move us to a box due to the cell phone usage.  I was grateful with her offer but our seats were better than a side view box.  Plus this would mean that the rude people had won over the silent majority!

Our usher told me that she had once said to a patron at a previous performance:  "That text message has cost you $142!".  I would say the violator should pay for every ticket price in the theater plus air-fares and accommodation for ALL audience members who have travelled to attend that performance! 

This is not a threat but a timely suggestion about respect for all patrons!  I speak up on behalf of ALL audience members.

Suggestion:

Cell phones are a condition of entry and not to be turned on inside the theatre.  If people fall down the stairs when using them then there will be consequences.  It is a safety issue and about respect for all patrons.  I wonder if their insurance company pays out for their stupidity.

Refer to the sensational usher at the St James Theater where "Bullets Over Broadway" is playing and what he says to patrons.  As was the usher at the Stephen Sondheim Theatre who asked patrons to be mindful of safety.  Thank you to these young ushers for your care, vigilance and demonstrating leadership.

Toilets:

The toilets have been improved since we saw "In The Heights" a few years ago.  There are more urinals and wash basins and it is also cleaner.  A much more conducive experience that could be improved by having entry and exit signs to keep the traffic flowing in one direction. There was not the wait like some theatres.  Probably the best toilet visit in a Broadway theatre!

Theatre Manager:

I spoke to Tim the Richard Rogers Theater Manager at interval about the use of cell phones during Act One and other people had also complained.  In the Orchestra the B Row either seat 4 or 6 a woman turned on a  huge blue screen turned on her iPAD or cell phone too many times to distract our attention from the stage.  Then the woman in A Row Seat 2 on the aisle did the same thing.  Congratulations to your selfishness ladies!  This not only distracted us in the Mezzanine but others too.

Twice I had to ask the people to my right in Mezzanine A Row 105 and 106 to turn off their cell phones.  They were texting and the light and their tapping away was very rude and distracting.

I spoke to the Tim about this passionately and I was standing up for ALL who attended the theatre.  Rude behaviour is not acceptable.  

Richard Rogers Theater can do something and just ban the use of cell phones inside the theatre.

At least three other people complained about the woman in the front of the Orchestra.

It needs to be the standard and the Broadway League better do something about it!  There is too much money at stake.

If I were considering producing a show I would only put money into a show where this rule applied to ensure that ALL patrons were respected for attending an event.  Some people have saved long and hard to attend this show.

Programme design:

I liked the two fronts to the programme for what appeared to be the Liz and Beth versions.  Such an opportunity was missed by not making the clear delineation of having one side with all of the photos with the glasses on version and the other with glasses off version.

The review of the show:

I would normally put on lots of links to performers and the creative crew, but I feel that I would not give a true representation of their work as we had such a bad experience.  I am not going to single out any performers either as we heard some flat singing at this performance.

The following are some thoughts of the show.

I felt there was a huge dampener on the show from the start due to the behaviour of our rude neighbours.  This puts you on edge as you are sitting next to these feral imbeciles with manners of a frustrated cell phone separation anxiety sufferer!

Loved the sets.  Especially the lighting of the floor with the subway map, the Brooklyn Bridge, the iron fire-escapes, the revolve.  This to me was the highlight of the show.

The use of the mirror above reminded me of "A Chorus Line" and "The Music and the Mirror".  This was used even more effectively to transport us and create larger crowd scenes, or show us the universe of stars.  The mirror was like a symbol for us to reflect upon our own consequence of our behaviour.

I loved the greenery of the  park in the back-drop and in the two wings inside the cosy wintery conservatories.

The show was way too long. I agree with my partner that it is probably twenty minutes too long.

A clever show with some of the writing.  I thought some of the humour was full of forced jokes.  It was like ramming the story and the jokes down my throat.

I enjoyed the replaying of scenes from the different perspectives of Liz/Beth's alternate lives.

I thought that some of the characters were emotionally disconnected and detached.  It was not until  Act Two with the refreshing Beth, Kate and Anne trio  "Love While You Can" that we finally saw some heart and warmth to the characters.  The show finally started to warm up.  I finally was getting an emotional connection to the story and the characters.

The show dragged and made its point but had too many twists and turns. 

It seemed like another excuse for another big ballad. 

Some of the ensemble singing was very flat.  I have the cd and it was out of tune on at least four occasions.

The choreography was very pedestrian.  Nothing to excite me, though I did enjoy the staging more than the choreography.  The logistics of the staging of people with the set on the revolve  was well timed and executed.  This was so effective visually and in moving the story forward.

Some of the background characters did not have a real purpose and objective.  They seemed like ballet school background extras.  I thought this drew focus away from the main action as the background action in other shows created real characters with motivations of who and why they were in a park, or having coffee etc.  Plus they did not distract in other shows.  I thought they were more distracting by not playing real objectives but just creating archetypical poses.

The staging of the scenes on the revolve gave us a visual treat.
  

Sadly not my favourite experience.

Hint:

Please take your rubbish (garbage with you).

Please do not leave your personal information behind with your name on your tickets!  There may be "If/Then" consequences!  Namely, the Front Mezzanine A18  ticket holder to (not) name her.

Overall:

It felt like attending the Roman Coliseum with battling to trying and watch the musical "If/Then."

My partner and myself felt cheated by the cost of the show, the rude use of cell phones, the flat singing at times, the over-heated theatre, the length of the show and the formula approach to creating another ballad or big solo.

We were expecting to see a sensational show and must say we both only gave it about 7.5/10.  Good but not great.

See "If/Then" on discounts if you must.  Ask if they have finally banned the use of cell phones in the theatre and then consider paying full price.

Or as the song says "What the Fuck?"